June 30th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
(Damien, New, Parenting Tip, Sergey)
Sergey: Papa Papa!!! Where are you?
Papa: Upstairs
Sergey enter the room his voice already heavy with a nasal whine.
Sergey: Papa Damien punched me.
Papa: Go down stairs and tell him not to do that.
Sergey: But Papa he punched me two times.
Parenting tip: Sibling fights are never what they seem, always dig deeper.
Papa: What did you do?
Sergey: Nothing
Papa: Well what happened before he punched you?
Sergey: I hit him.
Papa: Sounds like you started it, and are mad that Damien hit you back.
Sergey: No I hit him one time then he punched me two times.
Papa: Still sounds like you started it.
Sergey: No Damien started it, we were watching TV and he was being loud and I couldn’t hear ANYTHING so I hit him, and he still wasn’t quite so I hit him again, and then and then.
Sergey pauses to catch hi breath.
Sergey: And then he punched me two times.
Parenting Tip: I feel my role is to give my children solutions to problems, instead of solving them.
Papa: Maybe you should use your words instead of hitting, go down stairs, and tell Damien to not be so loud.
Sergey leaves looking disappointed.
You will probably find more parenting stuff, because while I am leaving Russia early to go to my new job, the kids will be staying here with the grandparents, and they have started asking me how I manage the kids, so I will just post them here, them maybe translate them to Russian.
3 Comments
June 29th, 2010 at 5:33 pm
(Damien, My Kids, Parenting Tip, Sergey, Vacation, Xavier)
The grandparents bought a bike for Damien to ride on, so when they took him out to the back ally to ride on I went and got the camera. When I got outside Damien and Sergey were already coming back into the back yard.
Grandma was following them looking disseminated. She said that Damien did not really try and that he gave up too fast. I looked around at what a nice day it was, and the nice bike they bought, and at Damien happy and having a good time, then I decided he is getting his butt on that bike right now.
Damien was taking his cloth off while Sergey went for a dip in the pool.
Sergey in mini pool with pienis cropped out, for modesty
But I soon convinced Damien he should put his cloths back on and practice riding the bike.
Parenting Tip: How to form a compelling and logical argument to convince you child to do what you want.
Me : Damien it’s time to get your cloths on and ride your bike.
Damien: But I wanna go in the pool.
Me: You are going to because it is a great day to ride your bike.
Damien: But I don’t want to.
Me: You are going to do it.
Damien: But why?
Me: Because I said so, and I am the Papa.
See what I did there with my two pronged argument.
“Because I said so“, which is 100% true, I did say it, and “I am the Papa“, also 100% true.
The reason it works is because Damien knows that I when I start to say certain phrases like the ones above that I will drag his but over there and make him do it if I have to.
Parenting Tip: Sometime you have to be the taskmaster, but go back to being their buddy as soon as possible.
The tendency for me is that once I get mad, and go into Taskmaster Mode, that I stay there too long, and everything starts to fall apart. I find it is best to lay down the law, then embrace the child (literally), and move on as if nothing had happened. Kids are smart, they know when they have done wrong, any corrective action should be short and sweet.
So in no time were out in the alley and Damien was riding his bike, with Grandma holding him up.
Grandma helping Damien ride a bike in alley
I took a turn holding him up, and what I realized was that to help Damien the most, I needed to do the least effort I could, be there to catch him before he falls not there to push him along or steer him in the right direction. I am not very pro training wheels, because that was I was doing really, but I am sure he liked me there more than training wheels.
While we were there Grandpa came back with Xavier from a walk up and down the alley.
Grandpa walking Xavier in the stroller down the alley
Once side of the back alley borders a park, and no cars are supposed to use this area though one self centered neighbor does, (but no one likes him,) so it is almost like a nature trail.
3 Comments
June 22nd, 2010 at 6:45 pm
(My Kids, New, Parenting Tip, Vacation)
So we were all having a good time on the second half (or later 1/8th) of our journey to Russia. When the steward cam around with paperwork for us to fill out. I had almost forgot about this part, you have to fill out paperwork for customs when you land, this is different from the visa you need to as well. Since we are all Americans, even though we are all related and all, each person would need their own paperwork. They had run out of pens, by the time they got to me, but fortunate for me, Sergey had found a pen that I had confiscated on the last plane. Usually they like these things filled out in Black or Blue ink, well they would just have to do with a gold paint pen, with sparkles. I figured the worst I would have to do would be to re-wright it, and I would at least have a perfect copy to for them.
Lucky for me Olya had given me a sample filed in with explanations, because the form is all in Russian. It also ask all of these annoying questions that no one has memorized, such as: Passport Number, Date of Birth, Start and End of stay (OK I could be exaggerating, but I now know my passport number almost by heart, which is kinda like memorizing it). Also for some reason each form must be filled out twice even though it is the same questions and answers. Thought I believe the reason it is so small is so it can fit in your passport.
But I managed to fill out all four double forms with time to spare, my secret technique, ignore the children. I just told them I had more important things to do. Sergey kept throwing stuff on the floor and asking me to get it for him which sucked because he was in the row in front of me, and after a few times I just told him I didn’t have time to do it, because it meant putting all of the sippy cups back, and stowing all the passports and papers.
After we land I let everyone go first, and the stewardess helped me with Sergey, who claimed that his legs did not work anymore, then he sat in front of me and had a meltdown. I was briefly temped to run him over with mini stroller carrying Xavier, but resisted.
Once we get to the customs area / border patrol (vague but you get the idea), there are two options to get to the main floor, stairs, or escalator. With Xavier firmly buckled in, and our marching order expressly laid out we took the escalator.
Parenting Tip: If you don’t know you can, take a baby on a stroller on an escalator, and be completely safe, the trick is to keep the baby and stroller above you at all times, so when going down, as in the case above, I walk backwards onto the escalator, pulling the umbrella stroller behind me.
At the bottom there are several lines, seeing that we are in a line with a red sign that is all in Russian, none of which I understand, I ask the lady in front of me if this is the Russians Only line. At first she says no and that we are all fine, then a few minutes later she tells us that we should be in a different line. No biggy, I was the last person of the plane, so it is not like someone skipped me. Then an official woman (everyone is wearing military uniforms, well the look military to me) points me to a line that is empty, so I get to go from the back to the front (go me).
We enter a stall with a locked gate at the end, how do I know it was locked; Damien and Sergey spent most of their time trying to force it open, and announcing every so often “hey it’s still locked”. I mad them sit down several times but they managed to walk on their butt cheeks back to the gate, when I finally got them to stop messing with the gate, the took closer note of their surrounds.
Damien: Why are their mirrors on the ceiling.
Sergey: Hey there is a lady up there looking at us.
Meanwhile the lady in the ceiling was going over my gold glitter pain pen paperwork, I was hoping she would be easy on me with three kids. Then an overhead metal door started closing behind us, and the gate in front of us had not yet opened (things that make go “oh crap”). Lucky for me she didn’t ask me to re-do them, just handed them back to us, she probably just wanted us out of there.
Now all we have to do is get our luggage, except that there are only two bags and we are supposed to have three. the was a lost luggage desk, but there wasn’t a line, there was more of an angry Russian swarm. In Wisconsin we are all about lines, if there is a line, we just get in it until told otherwise. While waiting for the buzz to die down, Grandma and Grandpa showed up at the doorway, then the kids went all crazy and started running around. The grand parents took the kids, but the boys ran back into the room and started running around until Xavier got hurt. Since they couldn’t come into the room, and the boys didn’t want to leave, I took them out of the room along with the two bags that had arrived (big mistake, never leave the baggage zone without first reporting your bag lost). When I went back to report my lost bag, I was given the third degree by Russian Lady at the desk, fortunately my father in-law was there to help explain things, after 15 minutes of and three different desks staffed by women waring three different uniforms they had located our luggage, and it would be sent to us the next morning.
Yea! Except we had forgotten to take along an extra car seat which we had planned.
Oh well, I would worry about that after I had some sleep.
Comments
June 21st, 2010 at 6:50 pm
(Damien, My Kids, New, Parenting Tip, Sergey, Vacation, Xavier)
Well I made it to Russia.
Apparently if I didn’t go then the kids couldn’t go either, so I definitely had to go.
Problems started before the plane left the gate.
There was a freak thunderstorm that hit the area, my first clue was that the plane was shaking and rocking. While this is fairly normal behavior in the air it is quite surprising on the ground when partially protected by the airport and boarding ramp. That is when we got our first delay for about 40 minutes.
Then after the storm, there were no workers allowed on the airfield far an additional 15 minuets after the last lightning strike.
Finally we made it to the runway and we were third in line, then second in line, then first in line and we just sat there. Apparently it was OK for the other two planes to take off but not for us as the tower was not giving us a flight number, so the plane could not take off.
By this time I was already on my second bag of candy just trying to keep the kids under control.
I had a special harness for Xavier to wear that made his seat belt secure (since yes he did have his own seat, it’s an 8 hour flight. The extra seat came in handy for sleeping and wrestling.), Xavier just screamed his head off the entire takeoff, so I lifted up the armrest between us, and hugged him as best I could and sang songs to him as best I could, it worked more or less.
After that I just asked for a lap harness for Xavier since that is where he wanted to be anyway.
The lap harness is like an extra belt that loops through your belt and can be buckled around the child to keep the secured. Mine kept slipping off, which is a real pain trying to recover from the floor while holding a baby on your lap. My suggestion is to loop your belt through the lap belt twice this will stop the lap belt from slipping off, it may seem awkward but it much easier than fishing it off the floor every time you undo your belt.
Damien spent the time either drawing, watching movies, drawing, sleeping or drawing. Thanks honey, for packing the colored pencils and coloring books and drawing pad. Sergey didn’t want pencils or crayons, so on one of his journeys throughout the cabin he found a marker (yellow highlighter), which he proceeded to use for coloring purposes, and then complain that (under the low light of the cabin) it didn’t look like he had done anything. Xavier was a pain most of the trip, yup that is about as nice as I can put it.
When going to the bathroom I would have to take Xavier, so after waiting in line, then sitting there doing my business, I hear Sergey wandering up and down calling for me. That was a fun conversation I am sure.
Sergey: Papa, Papa where are you?
Me: I am in the bathroom.
Xavier: Whaaaa.
Sergey: Papa what are you doing?
Me: What do you thing I am doing?
Xavier: Whaaaa!
Sergey: Papa I want to go somewhere?
Me: We are going to Russia?
Xavier: Whaaaa!
Sergey: But Papa I want to go outside?
Me: We can’t go outside it’s against the rules?
Xavier: Whaaaa!
Sergey: But why?
Me: Because we are in an airplane, at 37,000 feet, and if we go outside we will fall to our death, and if for some reason we don’t die from the fall the sharks will get us?
Xavier: Whaaaa!
Sergey: But I wanna?
Me: Can’t this wait till we get back to our seats?
There were lots of other children and babies on this flight and mine were the quietest (go me), I was actually getting compliments from other passengers and attendants on how well behaved my children were. One thing I did do is really crack down on the boy when they put their feat on the chair in front of them, since that is a peeve of mine being kicked in the back for hours, I thought I should try to spare other the pain as much as I could.
Luckily our second flight was after a two hour layover, so we didn’t have to rebook.
The worst part was that in Stockholm, the airport proper is much higher than the plains which means that there are escalators used to get down to your plane. We were the only people in sight when we entered the boarding area. I noticed the escalator and was in the process of gathering my things so I could carry Xavier down, when I turned to look at the boys, Xavier (the brave one) had decided to step on while the other older boys looked on, not sure if it was safe to enter. So I ushered the other boys on in front of me so as not to leave any stranded at the top. Now Damien had been doing a great job with his own carry on that was sized for kids and it was light as it mostly had his coloring supplies and jackets. When Damien got on the escalator it nudged his bag at him, as he tried to correct the problem, the bag came loose and headed down the escalator right at Xavier’s head, there was nothing I could do but swear, so that is what I did. Xavier had through the escalator was a ride so he had sat down to enjoy it, you could tell he was happy as he was singing to himself and bopping his head. Then SMASH the little carry on that could blasted him right off his perch and sent him face first down the last few stairs of the escalator, lucky for him that he had a big head start as there was not far to fall, but it looked awful. Damien was immediately apologizing and say it was an accident, but I knew it was and let him know that I was not mad at him, just at what happened. Xavier just lay there crying as the escalator churned on. He has some scrapes on his chest, but they look like they will heal, and he was acting fine before I buckled him into his seat.
I’ll pick up here later.
3 Comments
November 17th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
(Damien, My Kids, Parenting Tip, Sergey)
Sergey’s favorite phrase is “I don’t like it”, followed closely by its more base form “No”.
Sergey will say “No” to everything, if given a choice, which is something I am working on removing.
Example Sergey was in the TV room complaining that he had a poopy diaper. When I started to change him Sergey said he wanted to go potty.
Me: Do you want to go potty?
Sergey: No.
Me: Do you want me to change your Diaper?
Sergey: No
This exchange goes on a few times, until Damien chimes in.
Me: Do you want to go potty?
Sergey: No.
Damien: Yes.
Me: Do you want me to change your Diaper?
Sergey: No
Damien: Yes.
Me: Either you need to go potty, OR you need you diaper changed, which do you want?
Sergey: No
Damien: Yes.
Me: I am going to ask you one more time.
Sergey: No
Damien: Yes.
Me: If you say “Yes”, then you are going to go potty, if you say “No” then you are going to get a diaper change.
Damien: Hahahahaha, YES. *I think he figured it out*
Sergey: *with a confused look on his face* No.
Sergey got a diaper change.
I’ll be glad when Sergey grows out of this stage like Damien did.
Parenting Tip: sometimes kids have too many choices.
3 Comments
November 11th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
(Damien, Mel, My Kids, New, Olya, Parenting Tip, Sergey)
With the recent stress added to my life in addition to having two young boys running amok about the house, and a new baby in the house as well, sometimes I let it get to me more than I should while simply trying to watch a movie to escape for a few minuets, and then the DVD starts acting up during a key sceene.
Fast forward a few days.
We were watching some cartoons that Sergey had picked out, but
Damien was no longer interested in. He first voiced his oppinion by saying “No“, and the wildly popular (at least at our house) “I don’t like it“. With those statements not having the desired affect quietly muttered “Fuck’n Movie“.
At first I was in disbeliefe, so I asked Olya if he just said what I thought he said, and she said “yup“, quickly followed by “That is not one of mine”, topped off with, “you get to drop the kids off at daycare this week, so you can explain it to the teachers“. Can you feel the love?
No to make matters worse Mel was over, sitting right next to Damien. Well with Mel their I couldn’t just beat the crap out of Damien, so I decided to hope he wouldn’t repeat it again. Then Damien said it again “Fuck’n Movie“. I tghink Damien knew he had found a new way to push my buttons, and was trying to see how far he could take it. “Fuck’n Movie” he said again, this time looking right at me.
I don’t even remember saying that, much less Damien being in the room when I was mad, but kids seem to osmoss this stuff when you least suspect it.
Ok so there are things that I do, that I don’t want Damien to do, such as use a chef knife to cut onions, driving a car, starting the lawn mower, and saying certian words, because doing these things is very bad, and could get Damien hurt or in a lot of trouble. I explained all this to Damien it he took it very well, then he turned his attention back to the cartoons, and said “Fuck’n Movie“.
Right, so I am through talking, one of my parenting rules is that talk is only good if you can backup the talk with actoin. So I grab Damien and tell him we are going to a “time out” for saying words he should not. Amazing but for all of Damiens complaints about the cartoon AKA the “Fuck’n Movie” he really did NOT want to be taken away from it to a place where he could only kinda hear it, but not see it.
So we had out little talk again, but this time the shorter version “There are some words that you can not say, and if you say them you will be in trouble and get a time out, do you under stand“? This time I got a nice tearful “Yes Papa“, then we hugged, and he went to watch the rest of the cartoon.
So far so good no more F-bombs at the Finnegan house, but I have lots of timeouts should the need araise.
2 Comments
September 12th, 2008 at 10:33 am
(Damien, My Kids, New, Parenting Tip, Sergey)
Often there is a big struggle over putting on shoes and socks (and keeping them on one’s feet) especailly for Sergey, Damien is usually fine.
I have started a new rewards program in the house, similar to credit cards (OK not really all that close) since they both like to feed the fish and press the button for the garage door, I decided they are not allowed to do eaither unless they have their shoes and socks on.
Since there are two tasks, and I have two boys of task age (in a 18 months I’ll need to add a new task), we alternate who gets to do which task.
Odd days Damien gets to feed the fish, and Sergey presses the button, on even days they switch. No apparently Fish Feeding, is the coveted task, and Button Pushing, is still cool but not as cool as Fish Feeding (for obviose reasons which are not apparent to me). Often Button Pushers try to eleveate themselves to be Fish Feeders, to no avail. Sometimes Fish Feeders want to ALSO be Button Pushers, which I tell them it is OK if the want be a Button Pusher, as long as they let their brother be a Fish Feeder, the answer is always NO.
So today when Sergey decided to almost come to get his shoes on (he stopped just out of arms reach and sat down with a “I dont want too“). Just telling him that if he didn’t have shoes on he wouldn’t Feed the Fish. This was not enough for Sergey how held his ground and said “No“. So I upped the stakes, “If you don’t have your shoes on, then I’ll let Damien Feed the Fish“, I said. That was all it took, he walked right over sat in my lap and mad a grab for the socks.
Parenting Tip: It is much easier to hold something hostage than it is to force your kids to do what you want.
2 Comments
July 23rd, 2008 at 4:43 pm
(Animals, Cars, Damien, My Kids, New, Parenting Tip, Sergey)
well bill (me) has been slacking lately, especially with posting cool, funny silly stories.
I’ll see if I can change that, every now and then I find myself in a rut, and the best thing to do is to first realize I am in a rut (life looking rather rutty as of late), then do some things (fun or otherwise) to climb out.
So I will try and post every day, and see if that helps if not at least I am posting silly stuff every day and ah well, you can read it.
Ta DA!
So like yesterday I put Sergey in the minivan and left the door open, and the garage door open so he wouldn’t feel that I was abandoning him in a car coffin (because sometimes he acts like he is being buried alive when I buckle him in.) Then I went backintot the house to get Damien who was being disrespectful, and generally annoying in his lack of motivation about getting shoes and sock on to go to school. My (evil Dad) plan was to grab Damien barefoot, and put shoes and sock on at daycare. Olya came down and was helping Damine with his shoes, so my evil Dad plan being thawrted, I just grabbed the kids lunches and headed back tot he garage to put them in the car.
Let me just say that I was SHOCKED to find a dog sniffing around inside the garage right at the door to the house. and I sort of went into reflex mode and yealed at the dog until it ran with it’s tail between it’s legs. Then I hear Sergey crying, and saw the pen door on the minivan as if for the first time. as I got intot he minivan I could smell dog, and the seat has a slobber spot onit that was not there less than a minuet ago when I put him in, an he was holding his finger saying “owie”, and he had dog slobber on him.
So I am pretty mad at myself for putting Sergey in that situation. and I think what if that had been a fox, which live in the surrounding marshes. I know stupid parinoid thoughts, but I have lots of those.
Probably the dog heard Segery and went to investigate and may or may not have nipped Sergey on the hand, it could have also liked him onthe hand and gottenthe same reaction from Sergey who often claims “Owie” when he does not get his way (This is because Sergey is curently channeling “The littel boy who said Owie”). The dog looked to be a young black lab probably around 2 years old, so it is unlikely that that breed would do anything to hurt Sergey.
What did I learn from this?
Well I think I’ll be putting the most annoying child in the car first, that way when a rogue grizzly bear comes by and eats him when my back is turned, at least the less annoying one will survive, and I can consoel myself by knowing that this is just natures way of dealing with annoying children.
2 Comments
April 15th, 2008 at 10:23 am
(Damien, Dan, My Kids, New, Parenting Tip, Sergey)
One of the things that Damien is a bit behind in is block building.
This one is our fault, we didn’t give him blocks at an early age because we were worried that he would throw them, like at the window, or computer, so he just never had the experience.
When it came up during his eval I started playing with him with blocks.
Not just building towers, but other shapes as well. Damien is not really interested in copying my shapes like squares, triangles, or pyramids. He like to make upside down T’s, but now he is branching out into making L’s as well.
We will even make multiple sizes of the same shape, like several small T’s and one big T (the master T, or maybe it’s Mr. T).
This morning when I took the kids downstairs, Sergey wanted to watch Elmo, but Damien wanted to play with blocks. That was fine with me, I am sure it is better for him. So I went back upstairs to catch some more Z’s (not a block pattern).
Later we heard Damien cry out, I turned to Olya and said “I bet Damien Is complaining because Sergey smashed his block tower; because that is what Dan (the evil block basher) did to me when I was that ageâ€.
As I get close I can hear Damien asking Sergey to “Stop†and “go awayâ€. At the doorway I can see Sergey on top of his brother with a fist full of Damien’s hair in each hand. Sergey’s notices me and he immediately stops smiling and begins to cry as if he is hurt.
“Not a chance†I tell him. I go over and comfort Damien. Damien said “Sergey smashed my blocksâ€, which is a really good sentence for Damien. Then I yell at Sergey about how bad it is to smash other people’s blocks “If you don’t make them, then you can’t break themâ€.
Sergey had a “You aren’t supposed to yell at me I’m the baby†look on his face.
After Sergey left, I stayed to comfort Damien a bit more and he said “Sergey should get a time out, he was bad.†That’s two really good sentences. So there is a silver lining.
Parenting Tip: Kids start to lie and deceive before age two.
1 Comment
March 14th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
(My Kids, New, Parenting Tip)
Both Damien and Sergey have been getting very difficult to deal with. I think it’s because I don’t spend enough qaulity time with them. So I will try and spend more time interacting with them rather than just ordering them around. But that is very difficult with their language skills are so low.
Anyway I found some tips on Supper Nanny that I will try out.
Top tips for discipline
1. When your children are really young, discipline simply won’t work – if they’re under the age of about two, and are doing something you don’t want them to, simply pick them up and plonk them down in front of something else.
2. Try to motivate your kids to be well behaved – it always works better then bribery or threats. Don’t dismiss bribery though!
3. Pick your rules carefully – make sure there are only a few, that they’re easy to understand and that you ALWAYS enforce them.
4. Try to have consistency with their mom, even if you don’t live together. Children get confused if there’s no consistency. If mum is disciplining the kids, always back her up in front of them – even if you don’t agree, you can deal with that later.
5. Try to use praise for good behavior at least three to four times as much as you tell your children off for bad behaviour.
6. As your children get older, in their teenage years, it’s your job to shift from a ‘manager’ role, where you organize their life and tell them what to do, into more of a ‘coach’ role, where you listen, understand, and offer your advice to them.
From:
Tom Beardshaw
Supernanny Expert
1 Comment