November 14th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
(Damien, NaBloPoMo, New, Punishment, Sergey)
So like a dumb parent I only got one red balloon from the sales person at the appliance store, because Sergey was asleep at the time. For some reason it did not occur to me that when Sergey woke up he might notice that Damien had a nice new red balloon, and he didn’t have any.
We didn’t have long to wait to find the mistake, as Sergey woke up when we got home.
So Damien is still enthralled with the balloon, and is not about to start sharing since he has only been playing with it for a few minutes. There is the inevitable “mine mine†argument, and it is determined that it is Damien’s turn to start out with.
Since Sergey wanted the balloon, and Damien had the balloon it didn’t take long for Damien to learn to string Sergey along {literally} with the balloon. Damien ran in a loop around the house trailing the balloon. He ran just fast enough for Sergey to keep up without much threat of being caught by Sergey. Damien even waited for Sergey to get up when he fell isn’t that sweet.
Once Sergey figured out how to get the balloon, there were loud cries of “mine, mine†from Damien again, and they retreated to the great room for more balloon fun.
Soon Damien is calling for help with the balloon every few minutes. The string on the balloon is long enough that even at the highest point in the great room it is easy to fetch down. After one such balloon rescue I stayed just at the edge of the doorway and watched Damien. Turns out he was taking the balloon to the lowest point in the great room and letting the go, then watching and laughing as the balloon made its way, bouncing along the ceiling to the apex of the room. After that it became Sergey’s turn with the balloon, because he was just happy to hold it and run around.
The balloon had an advantage in that it was like a portable air bag, and when Sergey would fall he would bounce off the balloon. The disadvantage of the balloon was that it still had the ribbon dragging behind it. Damien figured that since it was Sergey’s turn with the balloon that his turn didn’t extend to the ribbon {I am sure Dan will know the legal term for this}. So Damien started following Sergey holding onto the ribbon, kind of like he was walking a dog, they both thought this was funny.
Damien decided to up the difficulty level for Sergey, by occasionally stopping while still holding firmly onto the ribbon. This had the predictable result of causing Sergey to either stop, fall down or both. The balloons airbag qualities were put to good use several times because of this tactic. This is when I decided the balloon was too dangerous for the kitchen’s ceramic tile floor, and banished the balloon play to the padded carpet of the great room.
They played with it all night until bed time. In the morning it had already lost enough helium that it only floated a few inches off the ground, probably due to the many airbag uses it had the night before. Damien was still enamored with it and chose it as his toy to take to Daycare. Once at daycare he dutifully stuffed it into the bag, and it was being played with when I got home, so it must have survived.
On the second day Damien chose to take it back to daycare again, unbeknownst to me, he also elected to take a pipe cleaner from one of his art projects. When I loaded him into the car he had a balloon, when we got to daycare all he had was a piece of rubber on a ribbon, and a pipe cleaner.
Parenting Tip: Always get one balloon per child if possible.
2 Comments
November 7th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
(Damien, Food, NaBloPoMo, New, Parenting Tip, Punishment, Sergey)
Things run best when there is a routine, so once I set one up I like to follow them through as closely as I can, this helps the kids manage the various steps and speeds up the process once they are used to it.
We have a Morning Routine:
1. Olya dresses the kids, while I shower and dress myself (Olya finishes before I do)
2. I take the kids down stairs.
3. Wash hands.
4. Kids eat breakfast and take meds, I make their lunches.
5. Wash hand, face and teeth.
6. Shoes and Socks (but in the socks and shoes order).
7. Play time for kids; finish prepping for the day for me.
8. Coats and Hats.
9. Into the Car, drive to school.
Damien likes a routine, and if Sergey is taking his time getting down the stairs, because he is taking a self tour of the upper level, Damien will sometimes get the stool out, turn on the cold water, get some (too much) soap, and start washing his hands before I get there. This is the advantage of the routine; Damien is so used to it that he just does the next step without having to be prompted, a huge time saver, and stress reliever.
Well yesterday Damien decided to skip from step 2 (down the stairs) to step 7 (free play). So I gave him a choice.
Me:Â ”You need to wash your hands before you can eat”.
Damien: “No.” and he continues to play in the great room.
So I give him another choice.
Me: “Damien you need to wash your hands before breakfast is done, or you can’t have any.”
Damien: “No.” and he continues to play.
Breakfast is on the table, I make one serving for each child, but they usually have two servings each morning.
Me: ”Wash your hands right now or you can’t eat breakfast”.
Damien: Laughs “No.” and he continues to play in the great room all happy with his newfound autonomy.
OK so I feed Sergey, who wants two serving and I have two servings, so I feed him both. As I am washing Sergey up after breakfast, Damien has a change of heart, and decides that he would like to wash hands now, but I told him he didn’t have to because breakfast is all gone. Damien washes his own hands so I tell him he can have Milk and a vitamin (his favorite part of breakfast). He consents finally but decides to play with the milk instead of drink it, then he spills the milk, he has yet to drink any of it. The spill is his fault, he can drink a glass of milk with one hand while walking across the kitchen, or climbing out of his chair, so spilled milk is not a true accident with him anymore. Well at least he ate his vitamin.
Needless to say Damien ate really well at lunch yesterday (I did pack and extra big lunch because I know he would be hungry, I am just trying to teach him a lesson, not starve him to death).
Well we both learned something.
Damien learned that I will follow through on the choices he makes.
I learned to give him better choices.
Today I gave him the choice between washing his hands and eating breakfast OR sitting on the steps. Damien went to wash up, without a complaint.
2 Comments
June 15th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
(Damien, New, Parenting Tip, Punishment)
Eric asked me how do I handle the kids, when they are constant screaming, how do I not let it bother me.
I would love to say that it is through years of martial arts training that allow me to enter into a Zen like state, where I merely focus on my breathing to achieve an inner calm. But that is NOT the way I do it.
The truth is much simpler.
When one or both of my children are yelling, screaming, thrashing about, throwing things and generally freaking out, I choose not to participate in the freaking out. Instead I choose to be the calm adult, and be an audience to the freaking out, instead of part of it.
This is the part where I beat the dead horse to death (die horse die).
As Super nanny said, when children get loud, physical, and emotional, there is a tendency to also get loud and emotional, to try and out do the child. Of course you can get louder and more emotional than a child, but it doesn’t do either of you any good, even though you win the shouting match, you will appear weak to your child, because they will know they can break you (children are both clever and evil so don’t give them this opportunity). The way to win and be a strong parent is to remain calm, and firm.
This doesn’t stop my children from having a tantrum, but it makes it easier to deal with, and shorter. Easier because I don’t have to do any shouting on my part, I let Damien do all of the work, I just make helpful comments such as “use your wordsâ€. Shorter because Damien knows that when Daddy says “No toys at the table during dinnerâ€, then there will be no dinner until the toys are removed; and I have Damien remove the toys (does that make me mean?)
Now tantrum often after he does what he is told instead of before. Damien will put the toy away as he was told, then he will back away from the toy yelling “No, no, noâ€! After which he will have a full meltdown, 30 seconds later he will calm down and eat dinner as if nothing happened. My guess is that he obeys because he knows it is inevitable, but he has the tantrum anyway because he has to rebel.
Remember: to remain calm, choose not to participate in the tantrum.
PS here is the Super Nanny site:
http://www.supernanny.us.com/Advice/-/Parenting-Skills/-/Discipline-and-Reward/Make-the-Naughty-Step-Work-for-You!.aspx
2 Comments
June 13th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
(Damien, Parenting Tip, Punishment, Sergey)
I don’t want it to look like I am slamming Damien for being too aggressive. I don’t think he is too aggressive. He is a two year old boy; he seems to act like most of the other boys his age.
Does he hit his brother, of course he does, and don’t we all hit our siblings? I have lost track of the number of times that my brother and I hit each other while growing up.
My brother (who shall remain nameless), had an almost magical ability to give me a bloody nose, or hit me exactly in the nuts the worst way. My voice is still high to this day, and my nose has an extra layer of padding (for defense).
Even if my brother started the fight I would usually get the blame, because I was older apparently.
Typical Scenario:
My brother throws a block at me, hits me in the face, and gives me a bloody nose.
I chase after him threatening to beat him up.
Brother runs to Mom.
Mom yells at me for fighting with my brother.
I am the one with the bloody nose, look there is still blood dripping from my nose, how do you think that happened, and my brother doesn’t have a mark on him. Who was attacking who?
It was just so unfair, so unjust, I was attacked AND I was punished.
Years later my friend Rob who has two kids of his own explained it to me.
“Parents don’t want justice, they want quite. When these parents hear a commotion, they run over, hit the oldest and yell at the youngest.â€
I don’t want to be one of those parents. So my plan is to yell at both of them.
Actually Damien is protective of Sergey.
When Sergey was sick, and had to take his medicine, that he hated. Olya and I would have to double team Sergey, one of us pinning him down while the other held his mouth steady long enough to get the medicine into it. The entire time Sergey would scream like crazy. Damien actually came over a few times and tried to stop us, because he though we were hurting Sergey. I am actually very proud of him for that, it takes a lot of courage to confront your parents when you are less than two years old. It is good to know that when the chips are down, that Damien will be there for Sergey. Just like my brother and me.
3 Comments
June 8th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
(Damien, New, Punishment, Sergey)
Ok let’s finish this story before it becomes ancient history.
We pick up our story a few days after Damien Hits, part C.
I am reading on the couch watching Sergey play in his bouncy seat.
There is some commotion in the kitchen involving Damien and some inanimate objects that did not agree on his world view.
Damien runs straight up to Sergey who smiles and gurgles at him.
Apparently irritated by this greeting, Damien says “No, no” as he raises his hand in anger (this should be its own post) and prepares to wallop Sergey about the head. At this time I let Damien know I am in the room, with a very clever “Daaamieeeeen?” Note how I stretched out his name to add extra meaning to his name, such as the heavily implied remember what happened last time you did this, type subtlety.
Damien appears to notice me for the first time. He looks at me, looks at Sergey, looks back at me, looks at the wooden armrest of the love seat, looks back at me (see that, that’s tension building that is), at this point Damien add a new dimension by smacking his own head against the wooden armrest, with a Thunk! Then one more time just for good measure, you know just to show the armrest who is the boss.
Damien flops down and begins crying. Well he just hit his head into a piece of wood, I am sure it’s pine and it has smooth rounded edges, but it’s still wood, of course it’s going to hurt. As any good parent, I comfort Damien and give him some good advice “Don’t fight inanimate objects.”
My theory is that Damien did NOT want another Daddy in rage, yelling at him because he hit his brother, but on the other hand Damien came into this room to hit somebody and if Sergey was off limits because of Daddy, and Daddy by default is off limits, that only leaves Damien to be hit in the head, and since he can’t just hit himself, he has the wooden armrest hit him.
This scenario has played out several times, where Damien gets mad wants to hit somebody, sees Daddy, and decides to bang his head into something: the wall, a chair, the wall, the banister, the wall (we have lots of walls in our house, at least one in every room, I think it is more a target of opportunity rather than a preference.)
And I always give him the same advice.
Don’t fight inanimate objects.
Damien is much better and usually does not take his anger out on others.
Looks like this is a phase, brought on by lack of communication skills, so he could grow out of it by the time he is 18 or so, and if he doesn’t I can kick him out of the house. Well only 16 more years to go.
Actually I hear from daycare that Damien is very well behaved, and does NOT hit kids back when they hit him, he just tells them no.
The moral of the story is that yelling at your kids really works, just not always in the way you wanted it to. Example: Damien was trained NOT to hit Sergey or myself, but he still hit himself.
Comments
April 26th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
(Damien, Food, Punishment)
Damien has a new annoying habit.
When eating at the table, if he sees something on my plate that he wants. He stands up in his booster chair, and half crawls half leans across the table and tries to snatch it off my plate.
At first when I realized that Damien would take things from my plate, and actually *gasp* eat them without a fuss**double gasp**; I used this to get him to try new foods. Well it was easier than trying to force feed him. Now he thinks it is some kind of game and that is my fault I am sure. but this habit has to be broken, because it is too dangerous for him to be standing up in his booster chair, sooner or later the chair will slid out from under him then down will come Damien, booster chair and all, not to mention that I am tired of playing “defend the food” every time I want to eat. He could at least ask, he has words he should start using them.
I am going to try threats followed by swift action.
Example of how things may play out below.
1. Damien makes his move.
2. Daddy (that’s me) says “Sit down unless you are all done.” All done in our house also means you are no longer at the table. Threat
3. Damien goes back to sitting down feigning a sulking look while tying to conceal a mischievous look.
4. Damien waiting until I am distracted but not waiting longer than 60 seconds, because time is food, he makes his move again.
5. Daddy “I see you are out of your chair again, I guess you ARE all doneâ€, then I whisk Damien out of the chair and set him down on the floor
6. Damien will likely protest, with a vigorous use of the word “Moreâ€.
7. Daddy OK if you are going to eat nice then you can go back in the chair.
8. Damien, calming himself down and putting on his best angelic look says “niceâ€.
9. Daddy puts Damien back in the chair.
10. Repeat from step #1 until Damien is no longer hungry, or goes on a self imposed starvation protest.
See look NO RAGE
5 Comments
April 25th, 2007 at 9:35 am
(Damien, New, Punishment, Sergey)
Sorry for the delay.
So where were we, ah yes?
Damien smacked Sergey to the floor, Daddy leaps into action and pins Damien to the floor (loving but firm), and I am filled with RAGE.
So Damien starts crying because he doesn’t like being pinned to the floor (not because he is hurt, he really hates not being allowed to move) well he should of thought of that before he smacked Sergey. So want to get the point across that hitting Sergey or anyone else is NOT acceptable. I am not going to HIT Damien, NOT because I don’t want to (because I certainly did want to), and NOT because he doesn’t deserve it (because he certainly deserves it), but because it would send the wrong message. Damien is in trouble because he hit Sergey, so hitting Damien would confuse the issue. So instead like any good parent I elect to have a nice discussion with Damien about what he did wrong and why he should not do it again. Well that was the intent but it did not come out that way, it was more like me getting two inches from his face and yelling at him, did I mention I was filled with RAGE? Damien kept crying and closed his eyes, so I pried one of them open so he could see me yelling at him. After about 5 seconds of this (it seemed longer but how long does it take to say “Don’t hit Sergey, don’t hit anyone, hitting is wrong, nobody likes to be hit.”) I let Damien up. He is still sniffling and red faced, when I ask him if he is going to be nice to Sergey, to which he replies “OK”, then I ask if he wants a hug. Damien says “yes” and gives me a hug, and I tell him I love him (non full of RAGE voice), it is important for me to let Damien know that I always love him, even when I don’t love some of the things he does. After that Damien gives Sergey a hug and a kiss on the head and goes back top playing with his cars.
1 Comment
April 13th, 2007 at 4:57 pm
(Damien, New, Punishment, Sergey)
One day Damien got mad at something, So he threw what ever it was in his hand (which may or may not have had anything to do with why he ws mad) across the room. This did not slake Damiens thirst for vengence against the universe, so he walked of to his little brother Sergey, who was sitting up and busy gnawing on a mirror (it’s a plastic mirror, so don’t freak out, there was no chance of him getting seven years of bad luck from breaking it). Sergey looked up and smiled his cute little smile at Damien. Then Damien smacked Sergey in the head hard enough to knock him to the floor (thank God for carpeting, there is no telling how many brain cells it saves on a daliy basis in the Finnegan house.)
So Sergey is on the floor crying and Damien is winding up for phase two of the Sergey smack down. This is where I leap into action vaulting the play set and pull Damien to the floor is a ver loving yet very firm way, not so “firm” that anything would show on X-ray but close. And I am filled with RAGE.
Hey look at the time, I got to go, I’ll finish this up latter.
Comments
April 11th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
(Damien, New, Punishment, Sergey)
When Damien gets mad he tires to hit someone in the head.
I am lead to believe that this is due to several factors.
1. Damien is a Boy.
2. Damien is Two years old.
3. Damien is a Boy who is Two.
Like I stated above, when Damien gets mad, he would like to hit someone in the head.
Probably you if you are near by, if you are say taller than four feet in height, and upright at the time of Damiens Tantrum, then Damien will make do by smacking your leg if your head is out of reach.
Alternately he will find his little brother Sergey, and hit him in the head.
If Sergey is not present, at the time of Damien’s Tantrum then he will go looking for him.
One time I had set Sergey on a play mat in a seated position, where he began to gnaw on small farm animals (plastic toys). I had steped into the kitchen but could still clearly see Sergey playing all smiles and drool. Then there was a wail from Damien as some fraction of reality refused to work the way he wanted it to. Next a toy came sailing across the room and flew well over Sergeys head, harmlessly bouncing off the far wall. Damien then ran up to Sergey and was greeted by a big smile because Sergey like his big brother. Damien drew back his arm to deliver a powerful smack to Sergeys head. At this time I realized that I was too far away to stop Damien from smacking Sergey silly, sure I could punish Damien after the fact but that wouldn’t help Sergey. Instead I decided to invoke a higher power. I used the voice of god.
DAMIEN, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!
Damien’s arm stoped in mid swing.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO COME OVER THERE AND SMACK YOU IN THE HEAD?
I BET YOU WOULDN’T LIKE IT!
NOW PICK UP THAT TOY!
Well guess what, Damien put his hand down and turned to face me.
Then he said “No!” and ran out of the room.
Damien didn’t pick up the toy, but Sergey was OK that was the important thing.
2 Comments
March 29th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
(Damien, Punishment)
Last night Olya and I were in Damien’s room and we decided that it was time for Damien to start picking up his toys so we don’t trip and kill ourselves when we come into his room in the middle of the night. Now usually or I should say previously Damien was fine with the idea of picking up his toys and books. But this time he wanted a battle of wills, and that is what he got.
I asked him to pick up his blocks and put them in the box.
Damien, totaly knows this command and has complied with it in the past, so there is no reason for him not to do it, espicially since it only takes him about two minuets to put them all away.
When he continued to read his book, is demonstrated what I wanted and repeated the command. Damien contiues to ignore me and read on.
So I ask him if he would like Daddy to “help” him pick up the blocks.
He knows what this means. Daddy “helps” by dragging Damien around the room and making Damien pick up the object, then draggin Damien across the room to make him put the object away. Essentially I use Damien as a giant limp set of pliers. He does not like this so usually Damien declines my offers of “help”, and that is the idea Daddy want to reinforce, so it is win win.
Not today, Damien pretends it is a game, and laffs and smiles and acts cute, and tries to keep reading his book. “Do you want a time out?” I ask. “No.” says Damien, then he goes back to the cute routein. So Damien gets a time out.
Well according to the supper nanny show, they give time outs for one minute per year, and them make them sit down. OK, so Damien is two so he gets a two minute time out. and of corse he won’t sit still so Daddy will “help” him sit still. This time Daddy “helps” by sitting down with his back to the wall (for support), and placing Damien directly in front on the floor. Then I wrap one of my legs aroun Damien’s waist, this helps to pin his legs to the floor and protects my balls (very important if you are a guy), and becuase I love him so I also give Damien a hug at the same time, by reaching over his sholder and wrapping my arm around his opposite waist (this also lets me position my face to the side of his head, so he doesn’t smach my nose with the back of my head if he decided to thrash). Damien si gently restrained in this way, he is not crushed, nor is he in any physical pain or even discomfort, but you wouldn’t know that from listening to him scream, and wail, and thrash, and gnash. Then we watch the clock for the next two minutes all the time explaining why he is getting a time out, and what he needs to do when the time out is over.
So the time out is over (Yeah!) and Damien says he will be nice and pick up (double Yeah!), but he lied.
Grrrrr…
He goes back to ignoring and reading and taking more toys off the shelf instead of putting them back on.
So he gets another time out, as stated above.
And another time out.
And another time out.
And I think even another time out, all as listed above.
I did mention battle of wills right.
Ok so Damien is starting to clean up (Whew!) and things are looking up, but after two minutes he starts throwing blocks around the room rather than putting them in the box where they belong, he is not even trying to throw them into the box, unless he is using some riccochette trajectory that I am unable to comprehend.
That is when I grab him and hold him so I so I cn give him a very stern talking to.
“Look!” I said, “Picking things up is NOT a game, it’s what you will be doing the rest of your life!”
Then Olya laughed and so did I. shortly after that Damien became a cleaning machine, he even went under the bed to get the errent blocks that lurked there.
I think that means that I won this round, but I am sure there will be others.
Possibly in the very near future.
Probably tonight. 
Comments